What's in a nose?

I saw a striking looking woman recently and wondered about her nose - it was divinely slim. I mean, your nose gets bigger with age, and this woman was well into her fifties. How could she have such a beautifully slim nose with nostrils so, so tiny, I wondered. But now I'm noticing many super slim noses - so slim, that surely they plug up at the mere hint of a cold. My own nose is a Celtic red colour that distends when I get excited or upset. I decided these women were descendents of some elite gene pool that specialised in slim probiscus.
Finally, today, I made a discovery. It was at the handbag counter at John Lewis. I reached for a small red purse that wouldn't be lost in my handbag, but it was snatched up by another hand. The hand was small but with large knuckles prone to arthritis. I looked up to see breasts too large for their frame, and lips curled into a babyfied pout. But it was the nose that really got my attention - it was no more than half an inch wide - too, too slim for nature!
It was plastic!

When "Mummy, daddy" becomes too much!

I was at a festival yesterday. It was busy and hot. I leaned against a wall to shut my eyes for a moment, and a child screeched through the din, "Mummy, daddy, mummy, daddy..." Again and again. "Mummy, daddy!"
"For God's sake, take that child home!" I called out.
A friend looked at me in horror. "How could you!" She said.
"The child is screaming, and I have a hangover."
Now, before you hang me, I should say that my kids have bellowed in public, but it is a question of how long you let them go on. Two or three hollers for your attention are fine, but not so that it persists and all around are begging for you to look into your little offspring's eyes and say, "What dear?"